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DON’T EVER LOOK BACK

A heartbroken letter writer writes:

My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago and I can’t get her out of my mind.  She won’t return my calls or texts or emails.  How can I win her back?

LISTEN:

You probably can’t, but that won’t stop you trying.

Look, I don’t know what broke the two of you up – cheating, disgusting personal habits, disagreement over politics or television, or merely the human need for variety.  But she broke up with you for some reason, right?

And even if it was for no reason at all, what I’m about to type applies just as much.

You need to stop being the desperate texting, calling, sad-sack reject and become an active, interesting, slightly aloof man.

First of all, go to the gym.  Get some exercise.  Just get out of the house and get moving.  OK?  That’s #1.

Second, put down the video games (Ohhhhh – is that why she dumped you?) or turn off the TV and pick up a book.  Learn something new.  Get involved in a cause you believe in and – if you don’t believe in anything you can just volunteer anywhere.

Finally, stop talking about her.  You’re only reinforcing the pain of rejection.  Start talking about you.  What you’re doing, how you want things.  Then, it might dawn on you to ask the people you’re talking to about themselves.  

Before long, don’t you doubt it, you’ll run in to your ex lady friend at a bar or get together, you looking fitter and happier than she’s ever seen you, talking and laughing with buddies or some interesting woman who shares your deep and abiding interest in HALO or whatever it is…and she’ll be racked with anxiety at seeing you.

Don’t talk to her, don’t flinch, don’t jerk your head away.  Just make eye contact, give her the weak smile you’d give a stranger in the grocery store, and turn back to your friends.

If she comes over and says Hello, then you have a choice to make.

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