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TELL ME LIES

A terrible question:

I got an email invitation today for a bachelorette / slumber party. I was actually considering going (not spending the night, though) until I learned that it will feature a stripper and no alcohol is provided.  It’s at someone’s house (don’t know the person), and I’m supposed to bring my own wine and sleep on the floor.  Seriously.

What’s the best, most polite, most gracious, and least hurtful way I can decline without having to completely lie?  Or is a little white lie better in order to preserve feelings?  Or should I just suck it up and go?

LISTEN:

Oh, it sounds lovely.

While I can’t imagine why in the world you wouldn’t want to go, you didn’t ask me that.  You asked for a polite way to decline.

First, I think it may be illegal to hire a stripper to entertain a group of women prior to a marriage without serving alcohol, and if it isn’t, it should be.  But please check the laws in your community.

Now then, as for declining – it’s easy, and no lies are required.

I would put pen to paper and send a formal response.  Jet black ink, brilliant white paper…perfect script that’s perfectly centered.  Oh, baby – I can do this all night long.

But you can just reply to the email.

“Dear Horrifying Prospect,

Thank you so much for the invitation to the nightmare evening you have planned.  I’m so sorry I can’t make it, but you guys go have enough fun to make up for it!

Good luck,

Most Sincerely Yours,

Terribly Relieved.”

That’s the form, anyway.  Don’t actually call it a nightmare prospect; that’s just tacky.  Not as tacky as a self-catered strip show, but let’s not compete.

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