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An irritated host(ess?) asks:

My husband is an introvert – I’m an extrovert.  I love to go to parties and be around people – he likes to say at home with the dogs and play solitaire on the iPad.  Now it’s gotten to a point where he doesn’t even want me to have people over unless it’s a few, select close friends.  What am I going to do?


You’re going to have a talk with your husband, that’s what you’re going to do.

You’re going to, in this talk, explain to him that you love him deeply (even if you only love him superficially, you should work towards deeply.  Wait, what?  Never mind – continue…), and that you want to make sure his needs are met.  Surely you understand introverts are drained of energy when they’re forced to interact with people…just as extroverts slip into a depression when they can’t.  Well, you’ll say, we need to meet both our needs.  I have to have at least two nights a week where I can have people over, and another night or two if it’s just close friends.  He can have his block of days for silence, and perhaps absent himself from the proceedings if he just can’t bear it.

Your house is – well – yours, or at the very least, yours too.  You are allowed to have friends over, despite what your husband wants, and in turn he has the right to be free of pests – and you two will have to work out the timing issue yourselves.

Another thing – if you and he work out a schedule, then he has to stick to it.  If he sticks around the house, no moping, no annoyance.  If he’s annoyed, he can go and collect tennis balls.  The same goes to you…on quiet nights, do something quiet.  Read a book.  Walk the dog.  Have sex!  Y’all probably burn up the sheets with all that friction.  But you better hold up your end of the bargain or I’ll deny ever having spoken to you.

That is, until you invite me to a party.


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