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PUPPY LOATHE

A nerve-wracked reader reports:

We recently got some new neighbors – a gay couple and their dog.  The first thing we noticed before they even moved in is that they fixed up the house.  Great!  The second (and third, and fourth) thing we noticed is that they have a little dog who isn’t yappy necessarily, but who really, really barks.  Don’t get me wrong – it doesn’t bark all the time, but when it does it goes insane – chasing squirrels or neighborhood cats or whatever.  It normally doesn’t last all that long, but the peace of any morning can be just shattered – or any evening meal.  

My question is this: Can we really say anything?  It isn’t a nuisance most of the time, but should we just be expected to live with this daily interruption?

LISTEN:

I’m only assuming, then, that no-one on your block:

— mows their lawn

— uses their weedeater

— blows their leaves around with those godawful leaf blower thingies

— has a teenager

— has a loud car

— has a party

Is that the case?  Or did you move out to a huge plot of land with no one but the trees for neighbors until the gays eminent-domained your next-door slot to set up a homestead and annoy you with their dog?  Either way, get ready for some annoyance because – guess what – gays love yard-work (or at least having it done) and they love having parties.

I understand that other people’s pets can be annoying.  Our backyard neighbor’s cat shits in our yard, and I once had a neighbor with an Afghan hound he would dress up and have sit at the table during dinner.  I would have to look at that shit!  But the fact is that a dog that barks at a cat, or a squirrel, even quite loudly and suddenly, is not a nuisance.  A nuisance is a dog that sits outside all day (or all night – or just early in the morning) and barks and barks and barks.  That’s a nuisance.

But look, it isn’t as if there’s nothing you can do.  They sell these little transmitter things that are supposed to emit a high frequency that is triggered by (and bugs the shit out of) dogs when they bark.  If you read about them on Amazon, they have mixed reviews, but it may work – who knows?  I’d wire one of those puppies up and see if it works…your neighbors might appreciate the effort (should you bother to tell them about it) – and if you don’t feel like messing with all that yourself, you can just give them one as a housewarming present.

Anonymously.  From the neighborhood.”

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