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YOU CAN’T ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU GET

A thoughtful question:

My husband is impossible to shop for!  We have an anniversary and his birthday coming up, and the only thing he says he wants is a gift certificate to Amazon.  I hate giving gift cards, especially to my friends and family…what would you do?

LISTEN:

Aaaaaaand what part of that is impossible?  He sounds like he’s quite easy to shop for, and your sentimentality is impossible to appease.

Oh, I don’t know – maybe you just don’t have a credit card and can’t buy anything online.  Maybe you’ve been banned from the internet because of computer crimes – these days, anything seems possible.

Talk someone into buying him a gift card on your behalf, give them cash or a check that won’t bounce, then give the stupid gift card to your husband.  You can spend your time dreaming of fanciful ways to make him have an orgasm instead of thinking of fanciful ways he’s supposed to be impressed by your gift giving.

Come to think of it, maybe a fistful of No-Strings Attached Blow-Job coupons would be more to his liking.  I mean, if you’re just dead set against a gift card.

The truly thoughtful would do both, but I don’t recommend you outsource the second idea to a more computer literate friend.

Who knows where that would lead…

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