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Category Archives: Neighbors

NO LIGHT NO LIGHT

Blindingly obvious, really: My neighbors are selling their house, and real estate agents letting people in turn on all the lights.  They’ve left one on now for days – on the outside.  It’s a floodlight that points directly into my backyard and into my window at night.  What can I do? LISTEN: Don’t you have […]

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κάτι τρέχει στα γύφτικα

κάτι τρέχει στα γύφτικα! Say it after me – Katatraya stayeftika!- meaning – “There is trouble in the Gypsy village!” It also means “Who gives a shit?” or “Who cares?” I think that’s a wonderful launching point for this glorious mid-week. Put your life into context every once in a while.  When presented with an issue, a […]

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PUPPY LOATHE

A nerve-wracked reader reports: We recently got some new neighbors – a gay couple and their dog.  The first thing we noticed before they even moved in is that they fixed up the house.  Great!  The second (and third, and fourth) thing we noticed is that they have a little dog who isn’t yappy necessarily, […]

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NUDE RULES

A most welcoming hostess asks: What’s the etiquette for a three-way? LISTEN: Oh, you kids and your new technology.  The most important thing is to let both parties know they’re on the call…hold on a minute – – OK, I’m back.  You meant a ménage à trois, didn’t you?  Conveniently, it isn’t all that much different from a […]

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THE SHORTEST HORROR STORY

The Shortest Horror Story: The last man on Earth sat alone in a room.  There was a knock on the door. — Frederic Brown LISTEN: It was probably just a Jehovah’s Witness.  And they’re not that scary.  They’re quite friendly, in fact – and more than happy to go away and knock on someone else’s […]

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IT’S LOVELY

A question that does not need to be asked: What do you say when someone paints their house a color you can’t stand? LISTEN: Did they ask your opinion?  No?  Then you don’t say anything. They did?  Uh-oh. Then lie, and tell them it’s lovely.  Quickly add that it’s not a color you’d choose, but […]

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UNPLEASANT DREAMS

A ticked-off parent hovers nearby, screeching: One of my neighbors has put up Halloween decorations that I think are just completely inappropriate.  Can I tell him to “tone it down” or “take them down?”  I don’t want to have to explain to my children why there is so much disgusting stuff hanging off his house. […]

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SHE BANGS

A disturbed tenant writes: I live in the middle floor of a rather large apartment complex.  The new upstairs neighbor makes so much noise – I know when you first move in you have to move stuff around and hammer nails into the wall and everything else.  But it’s been months.  And now she has rather […]

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YOU’RE IN TROUBLE, TOO

Another fragrant question: What should you do when your neighbor’s dog pees on your dog while playing? LISTEN: Give it a bath?

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GAYBORS

A curious or questioning question: Our long time neighbors sold their house recently, and while we are sad to see them go, it was the right decision for them.  However, the people who bought it are two men.  I don’t know if they’re a “couple” or not.  They might be brothers.  How could I find […]

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