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Category Archives: Timing is Everything

BE YOUR OWN GUEST

An unhappy homeowner relates: We’ve recently purchased and renovated a house and thankfully didn’t have to live there during that process.  We’re moved in, and are now in the process of finishing up the last few little things.  So every few days or so we have one or two workers or project managers stop in […]

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EVERYBODY’S TIPPIN’

Uncertainty wrote me: I took delivery of a new couch today.  I didn’t know “standard” delivery for this company meant leaving it on the porch!  I just opened the door and the delivery guys carried it right inside, but then mentioned they weren’t supposed to.  I was so shocked that delivery didn’t mean “inside the […]

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ALL IS FULL OF LOVE

Or full of shit. When you encounter someone – say, at a cocktail party – who says that their only motivation is to help others, you should excuse yourself immediately and go help yourself.  To another drink. Otherwise you are in for a wonderful night of passive-aggressive accusations that you, yourself, are not open to love, […]

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SHUT. THE. BARN. DOOR.

A slightly flustered employee asks: I was sitting at my desk at work when a female colleague came to ask me a series of questions.  Without any untoward interest, I noticed her fly was down, as her waist was at eye-level.  I didn’t say anything, for fear of appearing like a pervert.  If it was […]

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GOOD EVENING, SIR

A dilemma: I was dog-sitting for some friends and they live on a second floor overlooking a busy street.  It is very fun to watch the street and foot traffic, but then this happened: A man in a white truck pulled up in front of an apartment next door, then he looked around and suddenly […]

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THE SHORTEST HORROR STORY

The Shortest Horror Story: The last man on Earth sat alone in a room.  There was a knock on the door. — Frederic Brown LISTEN: It was probably just a Jehovah’s Witness.  And they’re not that scary.  They’re quite friendly, in fact – and more than happy to go away and knock on someone else’s […]

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(UN)WELCOME

An irritated host(ess?) asks: My husband is an introvert – I’m an extrovert.  I love to go to parties and be around people – he likes to say at home with the dogs and play solitaire on the iPad.  Now it’s gotten to a point where he doesn’t even want me to have people over […]

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WHAT CAN YOU SAY WHEN A LOVE AFFAIR IS OVER(RATED)?

An incensed inquiry: I have a friend – I wish it was just one – who takes hyperbole to an extreme.  If he goes out to a four-course meal, it was “epic”, if he likes a car, it’s “epic”, if there is a band he likes coming to town, they, and all their music, is […]

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MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT ________________

An irritation with the process revealed: I was at a fundraiser last night and there was a silent auction.  I bid on a painting, was outbid, and bid again.  Then someone signed the guaranteed purchase line – at this point the auction is supposed to be over.  Well, someone else came up and wrote down […]

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STOP IT

“We’ll deal with that tomorrow…” Or the Next Day Or the next.  Sigh.  Time slips away. OK…a recap: According to our most recent correspondent – dinner guests show up: They criticized the size of our house, saying it was too small.  They didn’t like our dog, they called the china kitschy, and said how nice […]

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